A Nation Divided: Why Are We Letting the Government Tear Us Apart?

A Nation Divided: Why Are We Letting the Government Tear Us Apart?

AND, what happened to civil conversations?

With the holidays coming up, it got me thinking about how post election, this year will probably further divide family members from each other. Why are we choosing to distance ourselves from folks we would normally enjoy spending time with if politics were not a factor?

Why, WHY???....are we giving politics and the government the power to break up friendships and families?

It seems to me that both mainline party voters are and have been frustrated and disgusted with the way our government has led the country. But we are not a country, as a whole, that makes educated decisions on individual issues let alone a general election. When was the last time that you as an average American citizen turned on CSPAN to watch federal legislation to learn about an issue from both sides of the aisle or attended a local city council or board of education meeting?

Last time I checked, when both sides are unhappy collectively, there is strength in numbers to create change. I recently saw the effect in my hometown when the former school county superintendent tried to pass a school levy that would cut library funding. Not only did the community come together and campaign, they had a big win by having the board of education rethink the bond. They even ran the former county superintendent away to the far end of the state. The new county superintendent listened to the community and in the next election, the levy passed with library funding intact.

There are more of us than them (politicians). And "they" are them. These are people we do not typically know or want to get to know. They do not know us or care about us individually. Yet, individually, we are breaking up with each other in higher numbers every day.

Thinking Forward...

A few years ago, I visited a school playground in Kanawha County, West Virginia. All around the running track, there were "prompts" to encourage parents to have mini conversations with their children while walking laps. At first, I was a bit surprised, because I never really had an issue speaking to my own children about their day or things happening in their lives when they were young.

Same thing when I was the Program Coordinator for our local chapter of the program Girls on the Run. We gave the parents a little booklet that had prompts for each lesson of the day so when the girls were picked up, their parents could immediately engage in conversation about what they learned. Since then, I have made it a practice to practice the art of prompts.

Here are some prompts to help you have a civil conversation with someone who has opposing political views:

Active Listening (my all time favorite communication phrase)- is the practice of preparing to listen, observing what verbal and non-verbal messages are being sent, and then providing appropriate feedback for the sake of showing attentiveness to the message being presented.

You might say:

Can you tell me more about why you feel that way?"

"I'm curious, what led you to that conclusion?"

"I'm trying to understand your perspective. Could you explain it further?"

Finding Common Ground- shared interests, beliefs, or opinions between two people or groups of people who disagree about most other subjects.

You might say:

"While we may disagree on this issue, I think we can agree on..."

"What do you think are the most important issues facing our country right now?"

"Why do you feel that issue will directly affect you or people you know and care about in a negative way?"

"Are there any areas where we might find common ground?"

Respectful Disagreement- this is a form of respectful communication in which two people, who have different opinions or perspectives, come together and express their views without resorting to personal attacks or insults. It is based on the belief that everyone has a valid opinion and should be heard, respected and valued. 

You might say:

"I understand your viewpoint, but I have a different perspective."

"I appreciate your honesty, but I respectfully disagree."

"Let's agree to disagree on this one."

Avoiding Personal Attacks- Making of an abusive remark on or relating to one's person instead of providing evidence when examining another person's claims or comments.

"I disagree with your opinion, but I respect you as a person."

"Let's focus on the issues, and not attack the person or people."

"I'm open to discussing this further, but let's keep it civil an and not forget that we agree on other issues or values."

Seeking Understanding- this means that you might need to admit that you don’t currently understand. Which means you admit that you are not in possession of all the relevant information. It also means you’re effectively ready to learn it.

"What experiences and things from your upbringing have shaped your political views?"

"How do you think we can bridge the divide between our two sides?"

"What can we do to create a more united country?"

Remember to:

• Stay calm and respectful.
• Avoid inflammatory language.
• Focus on the issues, not the person.
• Be open to changing your mind.
• Listen actively and empathetically.

My hope is that for some, following these guidelines, you can have productive and respectful conversations with people who hold different political views.

Here are some prompts to help you have a civil conversation with a family member about politics:

Focus on Shared Family Values:

"I know we have different political views, but we both care about individual people and their differences that make us who we are as an individual."
"Let's focus on what unites us, not what divides us."
"Can we agree that we both want what's best for our family as a whole?"

Active Listening to Understand:

"I want to understand your perspective better. Can you explain why you feel that way?"

"I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me."

"Let's listen to each other without interrupting."

Avoid Personal Attacks on Each Other:

"I disagree with your opinion, but I still love you."

"Let's try to keep the conversation respectful."

"I don't want to argue. Let's just agree to disagree."

Find Common Ground as a Family:

"We may have different opinions, but we can still work together on things we both value as a family."

"Let's focus on finding solutions to problems, instead of just pointing fingers."

"Can we agree that we both want a better future for our family?"

Take a Break:

"Let's take a break and come back to this later."

"Maybe we should talk about something else for a while."

"Let's agree to disagree and move on."

Remember, the goal is to maintain a positive relationship with your family member, even if you disagree on political issues. By focusing on shared values, active listening, and respectful communication, you can navigate these conversations with grace and understanding.

So, go enjoy each other and listen to understand instead of creating a space that is filled with fear. Be angry TOGETHER. Go out and organize your local community and actually making change! 

Replace this divisiveness with respect and knowledge that everyone has a perspective based on their walk in life. I know that I sure do not want a Civil War 2.0. Because there ain't NOTHIN' "civil" about a civil war. 

Whimsy Jenny