How do You Explain the World and Things Like Discrimination to a Child?

How do You Explain the World and Things Like Discrimination to a Child?:

Let's Start With Empathy

Fred Rogers AKA "Mister Roger's Neighborhood", was the absolutely best at explaining difficult subjects to children. His voice, tone, body language, and even getting down on his knees so he was eye level to a child was the most kind and empathetic gesture. 

He knew that explaining discrimination and racism to elementary school-aged children can be challenging. But he also knew how important is is to use simple, clear language and relatable examples. 

Here’s a "Mister Rogers" way to approach it:

Start with Fairness: Kids understand fairness. 

You can say, “Discrimination is when someone is treated unfairly just because of who they are, like their skin color, where they come from, or what they believe.”

Use Simple Examples: Explain that racism is a type of discrimination where people are treated unfairly because of their race. 

For example, “Imagine if someone didn’t let you play a game just because of the color of your skin. That’s not fair, right? That’s what racism is.”

Talk About Police: Explain that most police officers are good people who want to help, but sometimes, some officers treat people unfairly because of their race. 

You can say, “Sometimes, police officers might think someone is bad just because of their skin color, and that’s not right. Everyone should be treated the same.”

Emphasize Kindness and Equality: Encourage them to treat everyone with kindness and to speak up if they see someone being treated unfairly. 

Explain, “We should always be kind to others and make sure everyone is treated fairly, no matter what they look like.”

Answer Questions Honestly: Kids might have questions, so be ready to answer them in a way they can understand. 

If they ask why this happens, you can explain, “Sometimes people believe wrong things about others because of their skin color, but we can help change that by being fair and kind.”

Use Books and Stories: There are many children’s books that address these topics in an age-appropriate way. Reading together can help them understand and ask questions in a safe space.

Here is a pretty good place to start of a list of books on the subject for all ages:

https://www.adventuretheatre-mtc.org/37-childrens-books-to-help-discuss-racism-discrimination/

By keeping the conversation simple and focusing on fairness and kindness, you can help children understand these complex issues in a way that makes sense to them.

A Conversation with a Child About Discrimination

Parent: "Remember that time when ______ said something mean to you because you (reason for discrimination, e.g., "look different")? That wasn't fair, was it?"

Child: "No, it wasn't."

Parent: "It can hurt when someone says something mean, right? But remember, it's not about you. It's about them being unkind. It's okay to feel sad or angry, but we can't let it control us."

Parent: "If someone says something mean, you can try saying something like, 'That's not very nice,' or 'I don't like it when you talk to me like that.' You can also walk away or tell a trusted adult." 

Parent: "And remember, everyone is different, and that's what makes us special. We should celebrate our differences, not make fun of them."

Empowering Your Child

• Role-playing: Practice different scenarios with your child to help them feel prepared.
• Positive Affirmations: Remind your child of their strengths and unique qualities.
• Encourage Empathy: Help your child understand how others might feel if they were treated unfairly.
• Seek Support: If your child is struggling, consider talking to a counselor or therapist.

By equipping your child with the tools to recognize and respond to discrimination, you can empower them to stand up for themselves and others.

Talking to Young Children About Discrimination and Bias Even When it is an Authority Figure

Open and Honest Communication:

• Create a Safe Space: Encourage your child to share their feelings without fear of judgment. 
• Use Age-Appropriate Language: Explain discrimination and bias in simple terms, focusing on how it makes people feel.
• Listen Actively: Pay attention to your child's concerns and validate their feelings.

Explain Discrimination and Bias:

• Define the Terms: Explain that discrimination means treating someone unfairly because of their race, religion, gender, or other characteristics. 
• Provide Examples: Use real-life examples or fictional stories to illustrate discrimination and bias.
• Discuss the Impact: Explain how discrimination can make people feel sad, angry, or excluded. 

Teach Empathy:

• Encourage Perspective-Taking: Help your child understand how others may feel in different situations.
• Promote Kindness and Inclusion:Teach your child the importance of treating everyone with respect.
• Role-Play Scenarios: Practice how to respond to discriminatory or biased behavior.

Empower Your Child:

• Teach Assertiveness: Encourage your child to stand up for themselves and others.
• Provide Strategies: Help your child develop coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing or talking to a trusted adult.
• Seek Support: If your child is experiencing significant distress, consider seeking professional help.

Address Teacher Behavior:

• Document Incidents: Keep a record of specific instances of discrimination or bias.
• Communicate with the Teacher: Have a calm and respectful conversation with the teacher to express your concerns. 
• Involve School Administration: If the issue persists, contact the school principal or superintendent. 
• Consider Legal Action: In severe cases, consult with an attorney to explore legal options.

Remember, open and honest communication is key to addressing these sensitive issues. By providing your child with the tools and support they need, you can help them navigate challenges and build resilience.

How Might a Conversation With a Child Go?

Parent: "I know you've been feeling upset lately about what's been happening in class. Can you tell me more about it?"

Child: Shares a specific incident of discrimination or bias.*

Parent: "That doesn't sound fair at all. It's important to remember that everyone deserves to be treated with respect, no matter what."

Parent: "We can talk to your teacher about how you're feeling. Sometimes, people don't realize when they're hurting others. We can do this calmly and respectfully."

Parent: "If talking to your teacher doesn't help, we can talk to the principal or another trusted adult at school. They can help us find a solution."

Additional Tips:

• Document Incidents: Keep a record of specific instances of discrimination or bias.
• Involve Other Parents: If other parents have similar concerns, consider forming a group to address the issue collectively.
• Consider Legal Action: In extreme cases, consult with an attorney to explore legal options.

It's important to empower your child to stand up for themselves while also providing them with support and guidance. By working together, you can help your child overcome challenges and thrive.

Here are some positive actions kids can take to help make their community a fairer and kinder place:

• Be Kind to Everyone: Treat all people with respect and kindness, no matter what they look like or where they come from.
• Speak Up: If they see someone being treated unfairly, they can tell a trusted adult or stand up for the person in a kind way.
• Learn and Share: Encourage them to learn about different cultures and share what they learn with friends and family.
• Include Others: Make sure everyone feels welcome in games and activities, especially those who might feel left out.
• Ask Questions: If they don’t understand something about someone’s culture or background, they can ask respectful questions to learn more.
• Be a Role Model: Show others how to treat people fairly by setting a good example in their own actions.
• Read Books: Read stories about different people and cultures to understand and appreciate diversity.
• Celebrate Differences: Recognize and celebrate the unique qualities that make everyone special.

These actions can help create a more inclusive and understanding community. 

Teaching kids about empathy is a wonderful way to help them understand and care for others. Here are some tips:

• Model Empathy: Show empathy in your own actions. When kids see you being kind and understanding, they learn to do the same.
• Talk About Feelings: Help kids identify and talk about their own feelings and the feelings of others. 
• Ask questions like, “How do you think they feel?” or "What would you feel in that situation?".
• Use Stories and Books: Read stories that highlight empathy and discuss the characters’ feelings and actions. Ask questions about how the characters might feel and why.
• Role-Playing: Engage in role-playing activities where kids can practice putting themselves in someone else’s shoes. This helps them understand different perspectives.
• Praise Empathetic Behavior: When you see your child showing empathy, praise them. This reinforces their behavior and encourages them to continue being empathetic.
• Encourage Helping: Involve kids in activities that help others, like volunteering or simple acts of kindness. This shows them the positive impact they can have on others.
• Discuss Real-Life Situations: Talk about real-life situations where empathy is important. This can be from their own experiences or things they see in the news or community.

By using these methods, you can help children develop a strong sense of empathy and understanding for others.

There are several common misconceptions about empathy. Here are a few:

Myth: Empathy is just one thing: Many people think empathy is simply feeling what others feel, but it’s actually more complex. 

Truth: Empathy includes emotional empathy (feeling others’ emotions), cognitive empathy (understanding others’ perspectives), and compassionate empathy (wanting to help others).

Myth: Empathy is only about negative emotions: People often associate empathy with feeling others’ pain or sadness.

Truth: Empathy also involves sharing in others’ joy, excitement, and happiness.

Myth: Empathy is a fixed trait: Some believe that empathy is something you’re born with and can’t change. 

Truth: In reality, empathy can be developed and strengthened through practice, like reading, meditating, or engaging with diverse groups of people.

Myth: Empathy is always a good thing

Truth:  empathy is generally positive, it can sometimes be overwhelming or misused.

For example, too much empathy can lead to burnout, especially in caring professions, and it can be manipulated by others for personal gain.

Myth: Helping others always costs us: A common belief is that helping others through empathy takes away from our own resources. 

Truth: In fact, helping others can reduce stress, increase happiness, and make us feel more fulfilled.

Myth: Technology kills empathy. 

Truth: While it’s true that technology can sometimes hinder face-to-face interactions, it also offers new ways to connect and empathize with others, such as through social media and online communities.

Understanding these misconceptions can help us use empathy more effectively and appreciate its full potential.

As we navigate through these times of uncertainty, we can draw inspiration from the timeless wisdom of Mr. Rogers, who taught us the profound importance of empathy and kindness. It is essential to instill these values in our children, teaching them to stand up for themselves while also standing up for others with compassion. In doing so, we build a foundation for a more empathetic, resilient society. 

As we face the upcoming presidential transition and the challenges it brings, we must remember that the way we guide our children today shapes the leaders and citizens of tomorrow. 

Let's commit to nurturing their strength and kindness, ensuring they grow up in a world that values both assertiveness and empathy. After all, in the words of Mr. Rogers, "There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind."

Thank you for joining me on this journey of reflection and commitment. Let's continue to walk this path together, fostering a world where kindness and strength go hand in hand.

XOXO <3

Whimsey Jenny